I Just Want to be Loved
by purpleraindrops228
Summary: Oneshot: Regulus' only want in life is to be loved. When invited to Sirius and James' graduation party, he has an encounter with one Remus Lupin that makes him think that maybe things are finally going his way. Slash RLRB onesided RLSB


A/N: This just randomly popped into my head, I don't know why. Thought I'd just type it up and post it for fun.

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.

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Sirius Black was smart, he lacked common sense, true, but he never needed to study to do well on his tests. He was devilishly handsome and could have almost every girl in Hogwarts swooning with just a wink. He was outgoing, funny, loud, sometimes obnoxiously so, but still, people loved him. He could charm his way out of everything … except detentions with McGonagall and Filch. He was popular and nearly every wanted to be his best friend.

Regulus Black wasn't as lucky. Regulus had to study all night just to get a passing grade on tests. He was good looking, but barely compared to his older brother. He was quiet; he kept to himself mostly and tried not to stand out. When he _did_ end up getting himself into trouble, he knew better than to even try to work his way out of it. He didn't have many friends, and the people he called his friends were only there because Walburga and Orion wanted him to be friends with them.

In other words, even though Sirius was the disowned and rejected son, he was the luckier of the two.

Every day, Regulus saw his older brother with Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and James Potter. He was always laughing and happy, without a care in the world. Regulus had to admit he was jealous. He'd give anything to have friends like the Marauders.

In the five years the boys shared at Hogwarts (Sirius was two years Regulus' senior); Sirius never spoke to Regulus at school. So it came as quite a shock to the younger Black when Sirius approached him on the last day of school and asked if Regulus wanted to come to the Potters' for a graduation party. Regulus accepted and told Walburga and Orion that he was going to a party at Severus Snape's home to avoid getting in trouble.

Regulus regretted coming to the party at about midnight when no one had spoken to him the entire night –not even Sirius- and everyone, save him, was smashed out of their minds. By this point; James and Lily were shagging in James' room, Peter had passed out, and Sirius had disappeared with some blonde girl. Sighing, Regulus entered the living room and sat next to one Remus Lupin, who was polishing off a bottle of firewhiskey.

"Hey," Remus offered when the black-haired boy sat down.

"Hi," Regulus replied. Remus held the bottle out to the younger boy and Regulus accepted it graciously, gulping down the last few drops of the burning liquid.

"Don't know why Sirius invited you," Remus wasn't being mean, Regulus could tell, he was just speaking his mind.

"Me either, he ignored me the whole night."

"It must be hard to be his little brother." Regulus shrugged at this.

"I'm used to it by now." And then, Remus' lips were on his. Neither could recall who started the kiss, but neither wanted to pull away either.

Regulus knew this was wrong. Kissing his brother's friend, who happened to be a boy, and a half-blood for that matter. So basically, if his brother _or_ his parents found out, he was screwed. But for the first time in his life, Regulus didn't care what any of them thought because Remus' hands were roaming all over his body and no one had ever kissed him like this and it felt so _good_.

They broke apart, gasping for breath. Remus' gold eyes bore into Regulus' black orbs and Regulus couldn't help but think that there was a predatory element to Remus' gaze.

"James has a spare room," was all Remus said as he grabbed Regulus' wrist and led the boy upstairs. Regulus' mind was too clouded with lust and alcohol to protest. Remus' hands and lips were on him again as soon as the door closed and locked behind them.

"Remus," Regulus moaned as the sandy-haired boy bit his neck softly.

"Shh," Remus whispered, tugging Regulus' shirt over his head and pushing the fifteen-year-old back onto the bed. They continued kissing as they undressed each other. They were sloppy, drunken kisses, consisting of more teeth than anything else, but neither boy cared.

Regulus cried out loudly as Remus entered him suddenly. Remus kissed him and started whispering soothing words to him before beginning to thrust in and out of the boy below him. They were fast, lustful thrusts. There was nothing romantic about this.

Regulus cried out Remus' name as he came, and was vaguely aware that the name Remus was crying out was not his. After what could have been hours or minutes, Remus rolled off of Regulus and got of the bed, pulling on his boxers and jeans.

"Remus?" Regulus asked quietly as he sat up and watched Remus dress. The boy in question froze and stared back at him. "This … it didn't mean anything, did it?"

"Regulus," Remus sighed. "No. We're both drunk and we'll probably forget about it in the morning. You were lonely, I needed a distraction … we used each other, okay?" Regulus bit his lip and nodded. Remus put his shirt back on and quietly left the room.

Regulus sat on the bed a few moments longer, willing the pain in his chest to go away. He had basically just met Remus, why did he care if he was rejected by him? Like Remus said, it didn't mean anything … He quickly pulled his clothes on and ran a hand through his short, black hair before leaving the room.

"Hey! Reg!" he heard Sirius call as he rushed for the door. He stopped and turned to see his brother swaggering up to him. "Where ya been all night, mate?"

"Uh, no where really …"

"You heading home?'

"Yeah."

"Hmm. Wish you could stay longer, it's kind of nice having you around."

"Sirius, shut up. You're drunk," Regulus bit out. He knew very well that Sirius could give a damn whether he was there or not. He'd probably just invited him to be nice, thinking Regulus would turn down the offer anyway. Sirius seemed to consider Regulus' remark and nodded slowly.

"Okay, well see you around," he smiled crookedly and waved. Regulus stared at him a moment before quickly flinging the door open and escaping into the night. "What's his problem?" Sirius asked as he turned to face Remus. Remus just stared at the closed door, looking rather guilty.

"How was the party dear," Walburga asked as Regulus as he passed the kitchen where she was mulling over some crappy romance novel and a glass of brandy.

"Fine, Mother," Regulus muttered. He quickly ran up to his room and shut the door. He slumped against the wall as he felt his eyes start stinging. He knew he shouldn't care about what had happened that night, he knew Remus was right, they were both drunk and they had used each other. But somehow, Regulus felt worse than he had ever felt in his entire life.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he kicked off his shoes and crawled into bed. Tears slipped down his cheeks as he buried his face in his pillow. All he had ever wanted in life was to be loved, and the one time he thought that maybe, just maybe, it was possible to be loved, he'd been let down. That night, like most other nights, Regulus cried himself to sleep.


End file.
